One of my best teachers of presence and heart was a man I met several years ago. I was a fairly good racquetball player, very able to focus in the present, but my fear would come in and sabotage victory. He reminded me that playing with my whole heart was the true nature of play, like the children. I was addicted to “winning”, so I would get way ahead and then give up. My false pride hated that. We went on to form a short lived partnership that together, we would revive the spirit of play in America. He taught me the simple act of hitting the ball to each other rather than away from. He invited me to begin using my atrophied side to gain more balance. My relationship with the man taught me the importance of suiting up and showing up. I journeyed to Marin County, California every month to complete 500 hours of “teacher training”. I completed that task and my life changed. I saw the correlation of grace and ease and how much I distract myself in my victim consciousness. At the time I smoked tobacco, and I was the only one in the class who used tobacco. I carried my shame well as I have always seemed to argue for the right to kill myself. Many say that when the student is ready, the teacher appears. I went on to look deeply into my life in AA’s “searching and fearless inventory” step. Granted, I focused on what wasn’t working rather than what my assets were. My guide or “sponsor” reminded me about the “white wolf” –seeing the beauty inside. My next major learning was two years of “walking around the wheel” a course that was offered by some Souix teachers about the importance of balance. I learned to make my first drum there, and I was hooked like an unaware trout. I began to slowly shift my addictive nature into drum making. I had no “intention” for making drums other than the joy it brought me. One of the questions I was asked by the first teacher was: What would you give your whole heart to? My vision of Heartspace is the answer to that question. From the lower world comes the fire-bird, the eagle that arises out of the ashes. Can I attune my vibrations to that of the fire, air, earth and water. Each element as each season have a teaching, and my 20 acres was/is to be a model of what can be replicated, yet part of the teachings are that growth has to be organic or it won’t last. So my shifting into a real and authentic luster has taken and takes practice, polish, time, space, patience and faith and trust. We are led by our breath and give thanks for the breath of life – our inspiration.
Heart Space Blog
In the Celtic tradition the sweat lodge has four doors, and the door that we enter changes with the seasons. The summer solstice, (the longest day) represents the time when there is plenty for all. We will enter the South door. The preparation for lodge involves a continuing personal inventory, searching inside for what behaviors we wish to release that are self defeating. Perfectionism, The need to “be right” rather than be real signifies an inflated ego. As we mature, our values shift and we begin to gain wisdom to the extent we do the inner work. The gifts of the south direction include an appreciation for the arts and the higher forms of expression – theater, art and music that restores the soul. In the south, we evolve sexual energy into noble passion, a passion for life and an appreciation of the finer things in life. The Senecas believed that we go into the womb of the mother when we enter the lodge, to burn away all of the separating beliefs we pick up outside of the lodge. Going into the lodge is to remember when we were in our mothers belly, hearing our mothers heartbeat and our own heartbeat, two hearts beating as one. This is yin time – honoring the earth and the abundance our sacred earth provides. The south is the zenith of the light, restoring our visions for the next seven generations. On Saturday June 24th, we will light our fire at noon and enter the lodge around three. If you are interested in being a part of this lodge, please contact me, as their is limited space. I will send out the protocol to those who reserve a space along with directions to our bear creek property in Carson, WA. email@example.com
A few year ago, I wrote and posted on the site my “Ways to Be”, which came to me as a stated intention to make each day – to stay in my own hoop, speak from the “I” rather than you or we, and to respect boundaries and agreements. Recovery means becoming mindful, and moving from misery to happiness. Continue reading ““Musings on the East to South Directions””
“There is a deep interconnectedness of all life on earth, from the tiniest organisms, to the largest ecosystems, and absolutely between each person.” Bryant McGill
The spring fed creeks and rivers come from our sacred Mother Earth, and give us energy and the medicine of life – our clean waters, where trout and salmon abide. We take loving care of what we hold as sacred, beginning with self. Continue reading ““Two hearts beating as one””
The drums I make have taught me so much over the years – how my hands and my heart are connected. The drums are constantly changing, as are we. The book I am currently reading “The Hidden life of Trees” profoundly shifts the consciousness from “we are masters of the earth” to “The earth is our mother, Continue reading “Changing – the shift”
The term Aluna I first heard about by reading about the Kogi people of the mountains of Columbia means “the great mother” that creates nature. Deep ecology is becoming aware of the interconnections of life, and as those in recovery know, deflate the false pride enough to begin to return to our true center and nature. Continue reading ““Aluna””
“YOU HAVE TO DO IT BY YOURSELF, AND YOU CAN’T DO IT ALONE”
I haven’t been able to get out to bear creek, but my neighbor who has a large four wheel drive truck informed me this morning of the snow damage to our shop and well house at bear creek. This winter has been the worst in memory Continue reading “Snow Damage and Opportunity”
Due to the ice storm, I haven’t’ been able to get to bear creek for weeks, but this past Friday, I drove to Carson to fetch the drum hoops that, due to the snow, had been delivered to the feed store in Carson. I had time, so I drove to my property to check on things, and I experienced the passion of Continue reading “Frozen”
My grandpa gave me my first shotgun, and taught me how to use it. He both hunted and fished, and did well in terms of bringing home the game would coach us to never kill unless we ate our kill. When squirrel hunting he would keep moving yet sit me down at the base of a tree and tell me to be very quiet and to look with “soft eyes”. used to tell me to look at the patterns not the form. The healthy eye constantly moves, and the puritans called this the the “shifty eyed”. We all are indigenous here.
Many best selling books have been written about being in the present and seeing things clearly, yet not a lot about how to practice this. In our home is a small ping-pong table that Mandi and I have used for years. I also use it in my classes to teach mindfulness and tracking. I practic
e using both hands. Learning to drum requires finding a center where both sides can work independently and interdependently. I have played hitting every other shot with my off side, thus doing something physical to restore me to sanity(balance). In indigenous cultures walking in balance is walking in sanity, as sanity is defined as balance.
In Toltec teachings, tracking is a way to release barriers to our freedom of choice: “to see or not to see” is the question. When I have the courage to stay with the ball all of the time, I am practicing another kind of mindfulness. In my 500 hours of post graduate studies in play therapy and addiction, I learned so much about myself that was so much deeper than using pen and word, ie steps four and five. An inventory is a balance of positive and negative, and successful business have a bit more income flowing in than going out. When we apply these principals in “all of our affairs”, we are feeding the white wolf more than the black wolf, and a balance is ideal.
To appreciate you is to elevate your value. In AA, they told me they would love me until I could love myself.
Little Jasmine is caught in the spell of “victim” consciousness inflicted by predatory women, and as with most “pride blinded” is blinded to the truth. Jasmine won’t look me in the eye. Carried shame runs deep in addicts/alcoholics who “use” their children, and still practicing black magic, who take the path of self destruction. and are so self absorbed that they think only in terms of win/lose. I now have healthy women in my life who can model real and authentic. In facing my demons inside and “hitting bottom” in my addiction to alcohol, I was able to build on a solid foundation.
I thank my God for the real and authentic friends – those precious few that lighten my burdens! “Don’t hear the words, listen to the music”